An unexpected moment of reflection

I currently have the opportunity to finish and perfect a research that I was working on in 2022-23 but mostly the first half of 23, and it has made me reflect upon what has happened since then.

I often have the tendency to think that not much has changed, and I have not done a lot since then, however as I was looking at old code, our old conference paper I just started thinking about how much has changed and how much I have done since then. It was truly an unexpected moment, and it hit me like a truck honestly. I mean this in the best way possible as I do tend to underestimate how much I learn and how much I do just day to day. Or even looking at projects or work or university, even maybe friends and such.

I just want to list a few things I have done since then, just for my own sake to get a small list of accomplishments I guess, or more like something to look at if I, again, underestimate the results that my work has.

I have moved countries to start university. Have made the hardest decision of my life sort of, to switch to Mathematics as what I was studying for year wasn’t really studying and more like doing university as side-project, and I want to learn. Almost at the end of my BSc and now searching for BSc Thesis project exchanging words with my professors the 80% which I would not have understood back then (only partially understand them now even). Broke up with my long-time girlfriend at the time. Started reading a lot again as I was absolutely not doing that for a long time and I missed it. Got much calmer. This isn’t something that I have done, but parents finally divorced which I feel I’m responsible for somewhat, and I am very happy that it finally happened for my siblings’ sake. I made a compiler, which I have always wanted to do. Worked three different jobs. Currently working for the university which I feel very lucky for, and I get really appreciated there, which feels great. Have finally switched OSes and completely set up a custom setup with everything manufactured for ease of access and handling which I also always wanted. Still am friends and in contact with the people I have considered my closest friends then and now. This is while not surprising is something that I am incredibly grateful for that I get the opportunity to stay very close friends with like twenty or so people even though I only see them in breaks. Switched to a new coding and text editing environment. I have become much more selective and conscious in what I buy and who I give my data to. I have made a lot of new friends and acquaintances. Am dating again(?). I cannot even believe this and my brain still is trying to reject this with trying to believe that this whole thing is a lie, and she does not even think of these that way even though we say date and stuff. It just took so goddamn long to get over my previous relationship, which I also did. My philosophy has also evolved a bunch, partially because of the reading and partially because I have thought a lot. I listen to a large amount of classical music, which I feel is definitely an evolution or at least I was listening to some back then as well, but still. I have also learned some pieces on the trumpet that I have wanted to, which were super difficult. I have been basically living separately from my parents ever since then, and that has also I think, added a lot to me. I have a lot of plans for the future. Somewhat different to what I had back then. I have found a DnD group again. I have completely cured myself of having panic attacks and anxiety. I look better than ever, although I only worked out occasionaly for fun but its just something nice that happened over the years. Learned how to code in a bunch of new languages to different levels of expertise. Have made a full and complex application alone end-to-end. Have seen and been to a bunch of places that I wanted to go to, and some just because friends wanted to go there. Became a much more content person. I am still a very passionate and curious person at least I consider myself that. Have played in a few smaller bands though I still miss that playing music in some official way is not part of my everyday life as it was for example back then as I was playing in an orchestra and a band and had trumpet lessons so at least three times a week I was playing different instruments and sometimes also playing the guitar at school, so I miss that.

Yeah that’s pretty much it. I did not think I was going to post something so personal here, but I doubt anyone will ever read this anyway.